Better day

Well, today is a better day.  I find if I keep busy and not sit too long I stay positive.  I am glad there is a reason I was not feeling good and being down.  I know it will take time, but I try to stay positive everyday.

To give a little background of my life I will start with marriage.  My husband and I have been happily married for 11 years.  We have 4 wonderful children here on earth and we miscarried 2 babes.  They are waiting for us in heaven and I cannot wait to hold them.  We had our first child when we were married only 2 years.  It was a rough pregnancy and he came a month early.  He did stay in the hospital for a week and after that he has been very healthy.  He is our miracle baby for sure.  At 16 weeks my water broke, but he was still safe in a sack of water, so we are not sure if there were two or if there was a small tear.  To this day the doctors do not know.  We then got pregnant again after only 7 months and were scared, yet excited.  The baby didn't live long and the heart stopped beating at 6 weeks.  My body did not actually miscarry the babe so we had a D&C and that was so hard.  We then got pregnant again a few months later and were cautious yet excited.  The doctors thought the first miscarriage was a fluke and it shouldn't happen again.  We heard the heartbeat and thought all was good.  We went for our 12 week appt and the nurse could not detect a heartbeat.  She thought because my uterus is tilted it would be hard to hear it so don't worry.  Well, a week later I started spotting.   I went in for an ultrasound and there was not heartbeat.  The baby had died at 8 weeks.  It was so hard to know that the baby died 5 weeks ago.  My body looked pregnant.  I grew, but the baby did not.  I was devastated.  It was the lowest point yet.  My mom thought I should have my thyroid tested.  After the difficulties I had with my first pregnancy and then the two miscarriages I got it tested.  It came back off and I was diagnosed with Hashimotos disease.  It is a version of hypothyroidism.  I started on medicine and was told to wait a few months before trying for a baby.  It was a long wait, but finally we tried and we were blessed with a great pregnancy and a beautiful daughter.  We were so happy and praised the Lord for what he has done.  We were then blessed with two more beautiful daughters.  After two miscarriages I never thought I would be so lucky to have four healthy children.  I remember saying after the two miscarriages that all I ever wanted was to be a mom and if God saw that I was a mom of one than I would be ok.  He blessed us with four on earth and two in heaven.  God is good.  I will continue my story another day.

Today is a good day!!!!

Tough Day

Well, it has been a tough day.  I found out yesterday that my tsh levels(thyroid) were very high.  I am supposed to be at a 1.0 or lower and they came back at 60.  I can't believe it.  That is why I feel so bad. I have felt horrible for the past month or so and lately it has really been bad. I feel sad.  I feel anxious and I worry.  Not good feelings to have.  I have a family to take care of and I am scared and sad all the time.  I listen to sad music and miss my two babies I miscarried.  I know I will see them in heaven, but I miss them.  I wish I had dreams about them and could see them.  I miss them all the time, but when my body is all screwed up the emotions come out and I feel like I just had the miscarriages.

This blog is going to be my journal of my life and the hurts and loves I go through on a daily basis.  I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be sad.  My husband and I are so truly blessed, but sometimes I can't help it.  I will give more details of my past from today back as the blog goes on, just one day at a time.

Today I feel sad!!!

M

Hello

Hello all,

So, I decided to start a blog.  Scary and very exciting.  I am a stay at home mom to four kids here on earth and two in heaven.  The title says it all.  Til We Meet Again for my two star babies.  I never got to hold them in my arms, but will forever hold them in my heart.  Here it goes.  I hope you enjoy.

M